What’s Love Got to Do With it?

I wholeheartedly, from the bottom of my soul believe in love.

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

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In all seriousness though, love consumes my every thought and feeling all day every day. I truly, deeply feel the warmth in my chest when I communicate with my friends, family or chat my passion with my agents. I smile when I see outfits I like and take a deep breath every time I hear someone speak in a way I vibe with.

My parents are also a prime example of a great love story, 34 years strong.

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It’s because of all of this that I was super excited when I came across Nico Tortorella’s podcast ‘The Love Bomb‘. I’ve been following him for a little while; I still remember greatly enjoying his fleeting appearances in Make it or Break it, an old favourite show in my household. He regular posts his podcasts on Instagram and I had continuously forgotten to go back and listen when I had the time, until tonight.

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I’ve known about and enjoyed his sexual fluidity, soberness and artistic expression. I think he’s a fascinating human; so when I hit play on the first of his stories, with him interviewing the unlabelled love of his life, I was expecting magic.

What I didn’t expect was two people I’m really intrigued by professing their love for each other and giggling bashfully, while maintaining that they don’t believe in monogamy and stating they regularly date other people who come in to their lives without thought or consideration.

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I was speechless.

I consider myself progressive, and in saying that I know I don’t have to understand the way other people are, I just need to accept it. However, they just completely shook everything I believe in.

I know not everyone spends their life looking for love, and not everyone wants to spend their life with one person, but if you find a person that you really, deeply love, why wouldn’t you want to be monogamous?

Their point was that they don’t believe you can get everything you need emotionally and physically from one person. Now, I don’t disagree with that, but that’s why my current standing is to stay single for as long as I need to gain and learn as much as I can from lots of different people until one day I meet someone and… it clicks.

I watched a gorgeous little video the other day by a man who had a clear and simple message: if you aren’t ready to spend you life making someone else happy, don’t be in a relationship. 

My sentiments exactly. There’s no greater feeling in the world than making someone happy, when you are both giving equally, but until you’re ready for selflessness there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being solo, selfish and fucking fabulous.

But… Nico and Bethany have known each other for ten years. She openly admitted she’d like to have children with him one day. They do spend their lives making each other happy. They’re dating other people though.

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I don’t know if I’m old fashioned, possessive or just a true romantic but the thought that the person I have chosen, who I can see sitting next to me when I’m 90 and covered in wrinkly tattoos, might not want only me… that is just incomprehensible to me. In fact, it makes me feel sick.

I would rather be completely single and emotionally unattached and just have my friend, family and universal love, and not give myself to that person in any way at all. I have been there, and it feels like your insides are being torn apart slowly and excruciatingly over a very long time. I never, ever want to feel that again. I don’t want anyone to ever feel that. It’s mourning. It’s the fucking worst. (That was a shit person too! I can only imagine how it would feel with a real soul mate.)

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How come they don’t feel that? They discussed that it has been uncomfortable in the past, then Nico stated that he just isn’t a jealous person. But, neither am I! If someone want someone else that is fine by me, but I can’t let that person keep a part of me. That’s just not fair, is it? Or is that just the full blown commitmentphobe in me looking for an out?

They both clearly love love, and each other (I’m not suggesting for a second that they don’t), but maybe their love is different to my kind of love. When it comes to romantic love… I just can’t share. That is so sacred to me. Perhaps that means I’m going to be flying solo for a long time yet, and honestly as long as I keep creating these amazing stories and fulfilling connections with fellow humans, that’s okay with me. I have faith, most of the time. I just can’t handle hurting or being hurt. My walls are sooooo up. It’s sad sometimes, being alone, but there’s truly little else worse than being hurt by someone you have given your heart to.

People really are fastinating. As long as no one is hurting anyone, it’s all just ebbing and flowing I guess!

My summary of this whole thing, and I guess what really scares me about this beautiful, hippy generation of mine: have we become so cynical that we no longer allow ourselves to truly commit to one person? Divorce rates are high. I see relationships all around me constantly, but you can tell the ones who are together because they fell in to it, or because they just don’t want to be alone, and which ones are built to last.

Nothing can last if you both don’t want it more than anything else though.

Love isn’t easy, but spending your whole life alone isn’t either. I hope one day I find someone on my love wavelength. Realistically, you won’t always like each other, but you should always, always love. Most importantly: don’t sacrifice your dreams, find someone who shares them.

Come on Millenials, don’t let me down.

Lover of everything, except polyamory,

Harleigh Q

xo

P.S. I highly recommend you guys check out this amazing podcast. When I get over this one, I’ll be binging the rest. I love having my opinions challenged and mind opened.

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P.P.S. If you’re more of a visual creature you can enjoy Nico on Younger, a wickedly clever and funny show on Stan. If you like Sex and the City, you’ll love it.

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