Well darlings if there is one topic that I’m an expert in, it’s heartbreak.
Not that I’ve had lots of breakups, but the one I did have was earth shattering and it took a long time and a lot of TLC to get through. Also there’s that falling in love with everyone thing I do.
This post is for anyone going through a trauma. It can relate to any but my specialty is man trauma, so let me begin by saying I’m a feminist so there’s no gender bias going on here 😉
The first few hours after a trauma are the hardest. You’re numb at first, that’s okay. You might cry because you think you’re supposed to. You might run to instant consolation or bury yourself in TV world. Either way, the bombs coming and you’ve had no time to prepare for it.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known it’s coming for. You might have had a feeling (you were probably in denial about it), it might be completely out of the blue. Either way, it cuts like a knife.
To me the hardest part of these times is the realisation that it’s the end. I do not do endings. I don’t even say goodbye, see you later is enough. The potential died. Along with that, hope rears her ugly head.
I remember cursing loudly to the sky on my long walks with Papi ‘I hate hope!’ Because along with hope comes the inability to let go. The single most important thing you need to do.
Why is it that even when someone proves themselves unworthy of our love (perhaps over and over again) we still hold on? We’ll listen to their words but only absorb the parts we want to hear.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s this:
– cutting people out of your life is hard but necessary, and if they are meant to be in it they will do literally anything to ensure they are, regardless.
I only surround myself with diamonds, so if you’re reading this, you’re rare and beautiful and very much loved by me. If there is someone in your life making you feel anything less than this then they don’t deserve to be in it. All they are doing is occupying the space that other loving, appreciative people should be in. They will find you when you make room for them.
It took me a month before I could function like a human again, three to be able to speak my ex’s name without crying. It took six for me to realise I’m actually amazing and worthy of a truly great love (no settling), it took eight for me to be able tell my story without getting emotional and ten for me to stop giving a shit all together. Now it’s just a memory. I don’t actually go there. There’s no need. I’m literally surrounded by people who adore me and I adore them. I took control of my life and I make myself very very happy. I made the decision to stop being the victim in the situation. Just because someone broke up with you doesn’t mean you are damaged goods. Some of us are very loyal people, even when we shouldn’t be, thus we’re the ones who get hurt. It’s excellent! Because I don’t know about you guys but I couldn’t live with myself if I went around hurting people. You end up pretty lonely. You’d also have to deal with the fact that you were the one who gave up. I won’t! It’s great. I can walk away knowing I did my best.
Heartbreak sucks. No matter how completely, inconceivably painful the experience is, one day you won’t feel anything at all. How amazing is that? But you have to take control. You weren’t with the right person. That’s okay. There’s several billion out there to choose from and they’re going to come to you!
My biggest tip? Do not wallow. Do not watch Bridget Jones while eating ice cream. That’s masochistic. Get your bum outside. Do your hair and makeup. Walk along the beach. Take a book. Go to gym classes. Kiss your dog, talk to your family and friends. Let it out, process it, then ask yourself the question:
What makes me happy?
I started by reading more. I devoured books (I found a love for country romance ones, of all genres), I threw myself in to my work out routine. I spent as much time as possible on long walks with Papi and our girls. I got really skinny. I booked a holiday. I watched a shit tonne of Netflix. Documentaries are great because you get absorbed. Put your phone away! Go on a journey. Watch a serial killer one and see how bad life could be. Turn that overactive mind off for a while. Get plenty of sleep.
I started going to the movies alone, which graduated to me taking myself to a musical. It’s still one of my favourite things to do. I’ve always been a film buff but you get so in to it when there alone. Different things work for different people, but start with hobbies.
I don’t know if you can truly be a happy person if you aren’t comfortable in your own company. I never used to be. I was an insecure poster child for co-dependency. Now I love it. I cherished my home time hour in Brissie. Records on, soul dancing in the kitchen. Maybe reading my comics and doing some copy drawings. Heaven!
Time. It just takes time. Learn to recognise who of your friends and family are there for you to talk to and utilise them. Spend quality time with your friends and please oh please, talk it out! They might get sick of the topic and honestly so will you, but that’s okay. You need to process. You need to hear all the good and bad advice and choose your own.
It’s all about you now. What do you want to do with your life? You don’t have to compromise anymore. Be brave. Move interstate. It’s awesome…
The most important thing of all? Never go backwards. You are worth so much more than that. Always look ahead. The past is the past. You can’t change it. Only do things to benefit you okay? We only get so long in our lives to be young and free so take hold of it with both hands and don’t let go until someone incredible comes along. You’ll know it.
You’ll meet lots along the way who may hurt you and you may hurt them but it’s an oh so sweet roller coaster of living and love. It’s better to go to the depths of disparity and back again than not to feel at all. I have to keep reminding myself if this every time I fall for a beautiful rockstar or wild traveller. Damn my type for being so unattainable… But it’s okay. They’re all stories. Enjoy them, try not to embarrass yourself by double messaging or being a creep, then look forward to the next one because there will be many more you beautiful creature.
There’s nothing scary about being single. Surrendering your freewill to another human being? Now that’s scary 😉 I think I’m the loyalest commitment-phobe on the planet.
If any of you are hurting know I’m always here for a chat. I don’t know everything but I like to pretend I’m wise. I’ve lived a life…
Vi voglio bene amici miei ❤️